What are the 10 most important things in a relationship?

When it comes to relationship, what we want is long lasting and love filled relationship. We hope to find a relationship that will last forever. However there are certain criteria needed in order for the relationship to last long. I believe number one criteria will be finding someone who is into your soul rather than purely physical attraction. I believe the following criterias are very important to ensure your marriage life or partnership does have a happy ending.

1. Your partner have seen you without make up and still finds you adorable

In the initial stage of a relationship, no doubt physical attraction do play some special role. Having a healthy hair, flawless skin, perfect body shape, etc. But all these will fade in time. You will get older. Your hair will fall. Some will experience hair loss and may go bald. Your tummy going to show up. Your breast going to sag. You are not going to be always young and beautiful. We might cover some defects on our face with make up. But night will come soon and the make up has to be removed. Your bare naked face has to be shown. Does your partner accepts you with how you look without your make up? Does he starts to criticize you based on how you look? Does he says that you are looking ugly and puts you down? Well, if your partner constantly says something negative about you, then this is not an indication of a good partner. This relationship is more on physical rather than soul based. Soul based relationship will be more of who you are and what you bring to the table like kindness, patience, and love.

2. You can be your real self without hiding your weaknesses

Who don’t have weaknesses? Everybody has weaknesses. It is our duty to improve ourselves if we are lacking in certain area. But we wouldn’t be able to achieve perfection. You are messy person by nature but your partner is neat and tidy. You don’t have to act like you are tidy when you are not. You can try to improve and be less messier. Maybe you can keep certain area in the house where things can be messy and certain area has to be tidy. Both able to accept each other and adapt accordingly. Perhaps you are hot tempered by nature. You still get angry but you find a way to reduce friction by going out every time things go out of control. You are showing your weaknesses but you are trying to improve yourself. What happens if you are just faking it? One day the truth will be revealed and your partner going to be disappointed finding your real self. Hiding your weaknesses from your partner doesn’t give your partner an opportunity to do correct evaluation whether they can accept you wholeheartedly with your weaknesses. Some people can accept you being messy, some cannot. If they cannot accept you messy, then you have to change. If both cannot change and accept, then the relationship will be going through constant turmoil.

3. You can talk and finish off any arguments in a healthy way

Arguments are necessary in a relationship. Otherwise life will be boring. Both partners should be able to open up and express their point of view. Both should be able to understand each other and reach a solution best for both. Sometimes one has to give up something and sacrifice for their partner. Sometimes you may not be able to find a solution for it. Sometimes one of you have to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship and your family. But it has to be balanced. If only one partner has to sacrifice all the time, he or she will start to become bitter and resentful. If both partners continuously argue with no solution, then this shows lack of compatibility hence the relationship will not survive long term due to unhappiness.

4. Both of you are into spiritual or religious path where God becomes your guidance

We humans have certain limitation. It is said God is unlimited. If we want to give love to another person, first we must be filled with love. This love can be obtained by seeking God and following certain principles in life. When we grief, we look for God to help us reduce our burden. All religions teach us to be loving and peaceful. By following the spiritual or religious path that is suitable for both of you, when life goes hard, you both can fall back to God and seek for protection and clarification. Without God interference, you might be depending on each other too much and ended up sucking up each other’s positive energy.

5. Your partner takes care of you when you are ill

Sometimes tragedy happens in our life. Sometimes we fall ill. We look for partner not only to ensure our generation continues but also to ensure we have someone to take care of us when we are not capable to move physically all by ourselves. If something happen to our partner, we should also be ready to take care of them, not leave them halfway. If relationship is based on purely physical, we are doomed if we lose our physical body to disease or accidents.

6. Another woman or man cannot influence you to break up with each other

One of the reason why divorce happens is due to infidelity. The world is going towards materialism and forgetting true religion and spirituality. When one sees a man with material possession and influence in a society, they want to influence the man to accept themselves into their life. They would also want to enjoy the benefits of luxury life. For this, some don’t even mind if the man is married and have own family. In some cases, the man openly admits he has family and the woman accepts. In such circumstances, the family will break. Because the man’s attention now is diverted and he slowly forgets his responsibility towards his wife and children. If the man is not into physical relationship only, the man will not accepts this woman into his life. The man who is into soul connection love will not easily fall to this kind of trap. The same goes to a woman. A woman has to raise good children. If the woman is involved in adultery, how could she bring up good children?

7. Your partner encourage you to do the things that you like or enjoy

Every one wants to be happy and peaceful. We will feel happy doing things that makes us happy. Some likes drawing, some likes dancing, some loves gardening, etc. Why would a partner wants to see us unhappy? Such partner is definitely not suitable. As long as we want to do something that doesn’t breach any law and not harmful, our partner should be able to allow us to do what we want to do. For example, acting. Most heroines will stop acting once they got married because their partner doesn’t like them acting too close with opposite gender. Or probably scared the wife will be more successful than the husband in that career. Ego will be hurt. To avoid all these, make an agreement for the wife not to continue acting after marriage. Imagine a life not following own passion and not living up to full potential.

8. Your partner goes through bad time together with you

Why do you need a partner who don’t share ups and downs of marriage life? Sometimes economy is hit with a crisis. Maybe one of you or both might be facing retrenchment. When you have a partner who loves your soul, he or she will definitely will stick together and help you to come out of the bad situation. If it is based on physical, maybe they will leave you because now you no longer can take care of them financially, to buy branded clothes or going to expensive restaurants.

9. You can trust your partner

Trust is an important aspect in all relationships. I won’t say that trust can be given freely for 100% especially in the initial phase because trust has to be built based on past experiences. Did your partner do what they said will do? Did you ever get cheated by your partner? Your gut feelings can trust your partner? Did they ever let you down? Do they repeat the same offense again and again? Can you trust them with opposite gender at work and circle of friends? A person who is into soul connection and are truly in love will try their best to ensure that they don’t break their partner’s trust. Because once trust is no longer in the relationship, the foundation has become weak and we are just waiting for time to break the marriage or partnership. Once trust is broken, it is not easy to build it back.

10. Both are giving and receiving in the relationship

Nobody loves if they have to continue to give but don’t receive anything back in return. All relationship are made with the expectation of getting something in return. If one keeps giving without receiving, they will feel depleted and may feel unhappy in the long term of a relationship. One of the important key in keeping a long lasting relationship is by giving and take from each other. If one goes out to work, the other one takes care of home. If one takes care of cleaning, the other takes care of repairing. If one is away from home for work, the other takes care of kids at home. If one person has to do everything and the other doesn’t do anything, what is point of being in relationship? You will only build resentment.

As a conclusion, I believe the above criterias are needed in order for the relationship to last long and also to find out if someone is into your soul or just attracted to your body. If you can find someone with this criteria, consider yourself lucky. This criteria applies to both partner. If you are lacking in any of the mentioned criteria, try to improve yourself. A relationship requires cooperation and understanding from both partners. You can’t expect your partners to do all the above but you are not.

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5 Things That Your Girlfriend Wants From You

Women can be a confusing creature. One time they want one thing and another time, they want something else. But after reading this, you will know for sure that this is not going wrong again. Are you ready to find out the truth? Quickly read this.

1.Attention

Number one thing a woman craves from you will be your attention. She would expect you to remember her even when you are busy working. A simple text message to remind her how much you love her or miss her would mean the world to her. Remember to send at least two to three message in a day to show her that you really care for her and thinking about her. No message means she is not that important to you and you have other important things to do including texting someone else. You could have texted her in the morning when you wake up. Or quick text during lunch. Let’s assume you have been really busy during the day. Then text her at least a goodnight message. It takes less than a minute to show that you care.

2.Outing routine

Every woman would love to go out and spend time with their loved ones. It could be a dinner for just the two of you. Or a lunch after watching a movie. Or simply walking along the beach holding hands and eating ice cream. You know your work schedule better than anyone. For sure you know your girlfriend’s work schedule too. At least have an outing once a week. If you are on a tight budget, then just go for window shopping. The most important thing is you are spending time with her.

3.Thoughtful gifts

Who said you should only buy a gift when it is your girlfriend’s birthday. You can buy something that you know she would have mentioned in the conversation. Maybe she mentioned that she likes chocolate. Or flowers. Or sneakers. It doesn’t have to be costly to show your love. When you buy someone a gift, that gift will remind them of you as long as they keep them.

4.Be there when she needs you

Things can go wrong. The tyre can be punctured. She could have missed the last bus and stranded somewhere. She might be going through some loss right now. Maybe her boss scolded her and she is feeling down and needed someone to tell her that everything will be ok. All she needs is a hug to calm her down. Sometimes she might be putting up a face that she is all ok. But still hug her and reassure her that everything will be ok.

5.Be better than her

If you are doing less than her in terms of studies, work or in life, try to work harder and do better than her. She wants to see that you are really working hard to provide everything that she needs. Don’t be a man who seek support from your girlfriend. She has to pay your bills. She has to pay for your food. She is the one who has to help you all the time. If you are someone who is less fortunate than others (have some sort of disability), then it is okay. But you are not, then buckle up!

Try this methods to keep your girlfriend happy and see for yourself how she responds to you. Do comment below if these methods work for you. Good Luck! 🙂

The Supporter

The worst feeling ever

When you can’t share your feelings

To anyone

Because not everybody understands

Most difficult times

When facing test in life

When I turn back to see who has my back

I can only see myself

People can promise

But whether they really do

Is a question

Situation reveals the truth

I am my greatest backbone

I am my greatest strength

I am my greatest admirer

I am my own loyal friend

Written by : Puspha Jeyapergasam

9.12.2019

Choose yourself first

Whenever there is issue

Be it a relationship issue

Family issue

Workplace issue

Own emotional issue

Always choose yourself first

If you are not happy

If you are not contented

Find the reason

Why you feel in that way

No point serving others

When your own need is neglected

You can only give

When you are full

If you keep giving

Without filling yourself first

One day you will ended up

Depleted, exhausted & tired

Every relationship will only flourish

When you serve in this way

When you are full and happy

Otherwise you will grow resentment

Anger and hatred

Over a long period of time

For not getting what you want

But only giving to others

You think you are saving a relationship

But actually you are losing your sanity

It might be a little selfish

But both side of a relationship

Will benefit if both decided

To choose the self first

And making sure the core need

Is being fulfilled

And then serve others

Written by : Puspha Jeyapergasam

7 Dec 2019

Day 109 – The Process of Healing

I just found out that my ex married today. Registered marriage. In less than 4 months of our break up, he is married today. Am I shocked? Yes, I am. I am also a little curious to know whether the girl he married is a swinger or another innocent girl who is going to find out the real truth about him. I wish her good luck.

And here I am choosing the tougher path by choosing to heal myself completely without using another person as a rebound. I heal slowly. It takes time to be completely healed. I am super glad that my relationship was not that deep and it only lasted for a very short period of time. I am glad that I found out his true color before actually marrying him. Wait….maybe he never had the intention of actually marrying me. Maybe he was already in the process of marriage before he was in relationship with me. I do not know for sure. This is an assumption. But how to explain about someone who is able to marry another person within such a short period of time after breaking up? Owhhh I forgot…he is a psycho. He can do anything beyond what the mind can imagine.

You might be thinking why am I writing all these? Will it not jeopardize my future? How if my “future husband” reads this and it affects my relationship in the future? I think I would rather have someone who understands my past and act accordingly than to be secretive about it and worried about my past being found out. Besides who don’t have a past? Everybody has a past story. Some choose to keep it hidden whereas others choose to let it out. In fact, I hope with my writing, I can help someone to heal as well. Maybe there is someone out there who is also suffering in silence and don’t know what to do with their life.

I do not know why I have to go through this shit. Maybe I have done shit to someone else in my past birth. As Hindus, we believe in Karma. Good actions result in good outcome, bad actions results in bad outcome. As the saying goes, “You reap what you sow!” Maybe life is trying to teach me some lessons. Maybe I can write some of the good lessons that I have learnt so far.

1. Don’t trust people easily. Be careful with someone when they are sweet or nice with you.

2. Uncover the mask that a person is wearing first. We all wear mask. We don’t reveal our true self in the beginning of any kind of relationship. Don’t fall for the “fake” mask a person is wearing.

3. Find proof of everything a person is saying. They might be sharing some good deeds they are doing to others. Find out if it is really true.

4. Never ever lower your standard. People tell me I have high standard. That’s why I cannot settle down. If I’m choosy with the type of clothes and shoes I wear and how I want to live my life, shouldn’t I be choosy with the type of life partner I want to spend the rest of my life with? This is the person I have to see face to face day and night and have to go through shit through out life.

5. Trust intuition. I did received strong signal from my guts to run away from this guy two years ago. It was my mistake of unblocking him and contacting him again. I allowed my soft heart to ruin it. When your intuition doesn’t say ok within 2-3 meetings/outings with a person, you should say no. I allowed my intuition to be clouded, therefore now have to suffer the consequences.

Part of me wish that he will rot in hell. I wish to know one day that he is going through bad stuff and he regrets of doing this shit to me. I wish one day he will truly regret and apologizes for what he did to me. And maybe to others as well. I don’t know if he has ever cheated another person. All the story I heard from his was he was good to everybody and everyone around him treated him badly. Only goes to him when they need something.

But a good side of me refuses to curse him and wishing bad things to happen to him. Because of only one reason. “What you sow you shall reap”. I will get the effect of cursing back to myself. Maybe I will also live a miserable life as a result of cursing. I don’t want to live a miserable life. I want to live happily and peacefully. I hope one day I will wake up from my sleep and be glad that all my previous relationships didn’t work out because I was meant to meet this wonderful person. If not, I was meant to be achieving my greatest life purpose without the support of another man in my life. Seriously I do not know what the future holds for me. But the only person who can control my life is ME. The future is in my hands.