Day 42 – The Process of Healing

I couldn’t write everyday due to work commitment and other things which needed my immediate attention. Therefore I have to take a long jump from Day 2 to Day 42. I definitely feel better now. I have taken few steps to make myself feel better. So I’m going to share with you what I did in my journey to heal myself.

1. Make myself completely busy

I think situation was just helping me to pull this through because I had so much work piling up to the extent that I do not really have time to think about past. I made myself busy even during the weekends with new activity.

2. Gardening

Do you know gardening is actually healing? I have started buying small flower pots and taking care of them. Watering them everyday and checking if they are okay. Seeing flowers bloom makes me feel happy. Currently I have 4 different plants at home and I also started to plant vegetables for cooking. Checking them everyday to see how much they have grown. Check why they wilt and turn yellow. My parents are also helping me to grow my little garden. 🙂

3. Fountain

I bought a fountain to be placed in our home. When I saw this fountain in a shop during one of my work trip, I immediately felt a sense of calm and decided to buy it. It is a beautiful deity statue and symbolizes family. I remember reading how fountain can help to reduce stress. It is really helping me to reduce stress and I believe it is helping me to heal myself. But I found out something interesting. My parents are old now but they still quarrels a lot. After I placed the fountain in our home, I realized my parents have reduced quarrelling. My father seems to be less irritated with my mum and vice versa.

According to my mum, she feels that it is because she was away for few weeks staying with my sister and taking care of her baby. Maybe during this time, he realized how lonely it is without my mum and reduced arguing with her. But for me, I feel it is because of the fountain. I cannot say for sure though. If you would like to give it a try, please do so. But keeping fountain at home comes with certain rules and certain location to get maximum benefits. Putting it wrongly may result in negative outcome. Kindly do some research before doing this. 🙂

4. Meditation

I do take some time away to sit down quietly and meditate with a soft music. I found some soft music with a length of less than 10 minutes in youtube and downloaded for offline. I try to sit for meditation for that duration, if I feel like I want to do that on repeat, I repeat the music. Spending time with self allows me to think what is good for me and not good and allows for my intuition to speak up.

5. Spending time with family

I spend more time sitting in the hall and have little conversation with my mum. Or watching Tamil drama together with my parents (I have no choice since both are hooked in the drama and I’m also getting influenced by them). Or talking with my sister and her baby via video call. Seeing funny things that our little man doing definitely uplift my spirit and put a smile on my face.

6. Volunteering

I wanted to take part in some volunteering work just to fill in my free time during weekends. The law of attraction has been working well for me because it delivers what I ask for. Sometimes a little late but it always delivers. So I got an opportunity to take part as a speaker/facilitator in one of the programme designed to help Indian students in our community. We have to teach them some moral values and virtues so that they grow up and become a better person which is clearly lacking in current technology era. It is not exactly volunteering because it comes with a pay. But I would do it even if I’m not paid for it because I have been looking to do something like this. This is a way I feel I can give back to the society through my knowledge and skills.

7. Considering ex to be dead

I know it is a bit weird but I’m doing this. I read a comment in one of a youtube video where someone shared that they are coping up with break up or bad relationship by considering that person to be dead. I thought this is interesting. I cannot be in contact with someone who is already dead, right? I can only have the memory but not this person anymore. So I decided to take only good memory and consider this person to be dead.

8. Celebrating for each week passed with no contact

I started to set an alarm on my phone for 1 week. I decided to celebrate my achievement each week that passed with no contact with my ex. This is to stop myself from accepting or going back to the person that I’m trying to forget. Overcoming attachment is tough. But you shouldn’t go back or accept someone who have proved themselves to you that they are not worthy of your love. Especially when you know for real that this is never going to work, then the wise thing to do is to stop it. My weakness with this is I tend to think maybe there is a little chance for this person to change and maybe I should give them another chance. That I shouldn’t give up hope on this person. This kind of thinking will make me to reach out to that person that I’m trying to forget. So I find that this is a brilliant way to stop reaching out, consider them to be DEAD and celebrate!

So far this is what I have been doing and I am feeling better and I have accepted the fact that it is over and gracefully moving on. I want to live happily and make today a memorable one. 🙂

Day 2 – The Process of Healing

Today I definitely felt better than yesterday. Maybe it is because I slept with a hope that today will be a good day. It was a relaxing day at work. Everybody seems to be happily working. I gave full attention to my work and went out for an appointment.

The dreaded part of the day is when I’m back home. Because I seemed to be a little free when I’m at home. To avoid thinking, I basically wasted almost an hour in Insta and then I thought I must start to write. I did just that and actually feel a little better. To make myself more occupied, I decided to re-open Facebook account only for the purpose of promoting this blog. I hope to write better. I hope to occupy my time doing something beneficial. Tomorrow will be even better than today. 🙂

Day 1 – The Process of Healing

I woke up this morning. Eyes still closed. My mind was browsing past memories. How did all these happened? I felt pain in my heart. Time is ticking. I couldn’t wake up. Felt like no energy to go to work.

My second alarm goes off. I forced myself to get up and bathed. Got ready and by 7.30am, I’m ready to leave my house. I did not turn on any songs today nor listen to some motivational talks. Quietly I drove trying to empty my mind. At work, I tried to give full concentration even though I was feeling a little sleepy.

Things was fine. I was caught up with work. Calls coming in, talking to colleagues, moving around from office to office. I told myself I have to keep myself busy. I started to feel more pressure when I’m back home. I ate. I watched my parent’s favourite Tamil drama on TV. Trying to divert my mind. Then I started to look at my phone. I reread my last text messages. I kinda cursed him. For what he had done to me. I thought to myself “how can he do this to me? Knowing my character so well.” Sigh.

I thought to myself maybe I can convince him to change. Maybe he is good at his heart. Maybe situation changed him. Maybe he has hormone problems. Maybe there is a way to change all these. I took my phone, wanting to text him badly. Then I paused.

“You can only change if you yourself wish to change. Others cannot change you. It has to come from within.” I will be wasting my time. I am taking more risk if I go back to this person. Because he is sick in his mind. He is unable to control his senses. “Don’t take a risk, Puspha!” I thought to myself.

I felt that I have to keep my time occupied. With something beneficial. I do not want to go back to this person. I am actually scared after knowing the type of person I had been spending my time with. “Psycho”. I thought that this guy can actually be a psycho. A smart psycho. With brain. He is very calm most of the time. It’s like he plans it well.

Some of the story that he told me I felt that he actually twisted it. To show him as a good person and the other one as bad. I thought if I can just meet one person in his story and find out the truth, then I will know for sure. But then what is the point. There is no law that states one can be punished for cheating a person by faking love. There is no punishment for emotional damage. There is nothing much I can do. I have to forget him. I have to break the habit of needing to text him. I have to be strong. I have to be strong.