A little kindness returned unexpectedly

I was preparing to leave office for an appointment. Knowing that I might not return to the office on that day and since I was going on leave for the next few days, my colleague approached me with a little box in her hand. “Puspha, since I might won’t be seeing you the next few days, why not you be the first person to donate for our upcoming CSR program. We are inviting orphans to celebrate Raya with us.”

“Oh…” Immediately I grabbed my bag looking for my pouch. I saw RM10 note, without thinking much, grabbed it and handed it over to my colleague. She said thank you and left with a smile. I continued my work.

After few days…

I was checking the balance money I had with me. I realized very soon I will be out of cash and there is still like a week before salary day. I was soon worried. Oh my God. I don’t think I will have enough cash until salary day. What am I supposed to do? I checked my calendar. When did I submit claim? It was just a few days back. It is impossible for me to get that claim now. Normally it takes more than 2 weeks.

Then, I received a text message from my sister. “I have transferred cash to you. Please check.” I was surprised. “Why did you transfer so early? Normally you only transfer in the beginning of the month.” She replied “I was transferring to another account just now. Just thought to transfer early. Otherwise you will keep bug me why I haven’t transfer.” I was relieved. I told her to send early like this next time as well. 🙂

Wow! How did that happened? My problem is now solved without much hassle. Then my financial controller surprised me. “Puspha, your cheque is here. I brought it yesterday. You can go and collect it!” I was even more surprised. “That was fast! Thank you!” Smiling, I went to finance department to collect my cheque.

My mind was thinking. I thought is it because I donated? Help came on time! I didn’t have to look for help. I am a person who is a little bit stingy sometimes. If I don’t have enough, I don’t give. Even if I give, I will hesitate and might not genuinely give. But the donation I made was sincere. I did not think. “Will I have enough for myself?” I just gave it away and now it came back in unexpected way. I was grateful.

This experience made me feel like I should donate more. I always have this doubt that there are people who cheat out there. They are not genuinely looking for help. They are just looking for money. But who am I to decide or judge on that? How do I know if the money really goes to the needy? Why am I not just doing my part and let God handle it? If they cheat, they will get return of it. Why do I even bother? I will get return of my good deeds, I will get return for my good intention. I thought that I want to donate sincerely to people without any hesitation in future. People say if you give, you get more in return. Maybe it is true. 🙂

Day 1 – The Process of Healing

I woke up this morning. Eyes still closed. My mind was browsing past memories. How did all these happened? I felt pain in my heart. Time is ticking. I couldn’t wake up. Felt like no energy to go to work.

My second alarm goes off. I forced myself to get up and bathed. Got ready and by 7.30am, I’m ready to leave my house. I did not turn on any songs today nor listen to some motivational talks. Quietly I drove trying to empty my mind. At work, I tried to give full concentration even though I was feeling a little sleepy.

Things was fine. I was caught up with work. Calls coming in, talking to colleagues, moving around from office to office. I told myself I have to keep myself busy. I started to feel more pressure when I’m back home. I ate. I watched my parent’s favourite Tamil drama on TV. Trying to divert my mind. Then I started to look at my phone. I reread my last text messages. I kinda cursed him. For what he had done to me. I thought to myself “how can he do this to me? Knowing my character so well.” Sigh.

I thought to myself maybe I can convince him to change. Maybe he is good at his heart. Maybe situation changed him. Maybe he has hormone problems. Maybe there is a way to change all these. I took my phone, wanting to text him badly. Then I paused.

“You can only change if you yourself wish to change. Others cannot change you. It has to come from within.” I will be wasting my time. I am taking more risk if I go back to this person. Because he is sick in his mind. He is unable to control his senses. “Don’t take a risk, Puspha!” I thought to myself.

I felt that I have to keep my time occupied. With something beneficial. I do not want to go back to this person. I am actually scared after knowing the type of person I had been spending my time with. “Psycho”. I thought that this guy can actually be a psycho. A smart psycho. With brain. He is very calm most of the time. It’s like he plans it well.

Some of the story that he told me I felt that he actually twisted it. To show him as a good person and the other one as bad. I thought if I can just meet one person in his story and find out the truth, then I will know for sure. But then what is the point. There is no law that states one can be punished for cheating a person by faking love. There is no punishment for emotional damage. There is nothing much I can do. I have to forget him. I have to break the habit of needing to text him. I have to be strong. I have to be strong.