What are the 10 most important things in a relationship?

When it comes to relationship, what we want is long lasting and love filled relationship. We hope to find a relationship that will last forever. However there are certain criteria needed in order for the relationship to last long. I believe number one criteria will be finding someone who is into your soul rather than purely physical attraction. I believe the following criterias are very important to ensure your marriage life or partnership does have a happy ending.

1. Your partner have seen you without make up and still finds you adorable

In the initial stage of a relationship, no doubt physical attraction do play some special role. Having a healthy hair, flawless skin, perfect body shape, etc. But all these will fade in time. You will get older. Your hair will fall. Some will experience hair loss and may go bald. Your tummy going to show up. Your breast going to sag. You are not going to be always young and beautiful. We might cover some defects on our face with make up. But night will come soon and the make up has to be removed. Your bare naked face has to be shown. Does your partner accepts you with how you look without your make up? Does he starts to criticize you based on how you look? Does he says that you are looking ugly and puts you down? Well, if your partner constantly says something negative about you, then this is not an indication of a good partner. This relationship is more on physical rather than soul based. Soul based relationship will be more of who you are and what you bring to the table like kindness, patience, and love.

2. You can be your real self without hiding your weaknesses

Who don’t have weaknesses? Everybody has weaknesses. It is our duty to improve ourselves if we are lacking in certain area. But we wouldn’t be able to achieve perfection. You are messy person by nature but your partner is neat and tidy. You don’t have to act like you are tidy when you are not. You can try to improve and be less messier. Maybe you can keep certain area in the house where things can be messy and certain area has to be tidy. Both able to accept each other and adapt accordingly. Perhaps you are hot tempered by nature. You still get angry but you find a way to reduce friction by going out every time things go out of control. You are showing your weaknesses but you are trying to improve yourself. What happens if you are just faking it? One day the truth will be revealed and your partner going to be disappointed finding your real self. Hiding your weaknesses from your partner doesn’t give your partner an opportunity to do correct evaluation whether they can accept you wholeheartedly with your weaknesses. Some people can accept you being messy, some cannot. If they cannot accept you messy, then you have to change. If both cannot change and accept, then the relationship will be going through constant turmoil.

3. You can talk and finish off any arguments in a healthy way

Arguments are necessary in a relationship. Otherwise life will be boring. Both partners should be able to open up and express their point of view. Both should be able to understand each other and reach a solution best for both. Sometimes one has to give up something and sacrifice for their partner. Sometimes you may not be able to find a solution for it. Sometimes one of you have to sacrifice for the sake of the relationship and your family. But it has to be balanced. If only one partner has to sacrifice all the time, he or she will start to become bitter and resentful. If both partners continuously argue with no solution, then this shows lack of compatibility hence the relationship will not survive long term due to unhappiness.

4. Both of you are into spiritual or religious path where God becomes your guidance

We humans have certain limitation. It is said God is unlimited. If we want to give love to another person, first we must be filled with love. This love can be obtained by seeking God and following certain principles in life. When we grief, we look for God to help us reduce our burden. All religions teach us to be loving and peaceful. By following the spiritual or religious path that is suitable for both of you, when life goes hard, you both can fall back to God and seek for protection and clarification. Without God interference, you might be depending on each other too much and ended up sucking up each other’s positive energy.

5. Your partner takes care of you when you are ill

Sometimes tragedy happens in our life. Sometimes we fall ill. We look for partner not only to ensure our generation continues but also to ensure we have someone to take care of us when we are not capable to move physically all by ourselves. If something happen to our partner, we should also be ready to take care of them, not leave them halfway. If relationship is based on purely physical, we are doomed if we lose our physical body to disease or accidents.

6. Another woman or man cannot influence you to break up with each other

One of the reason why divorce happens is due to infidelity. The world is going towards materialism and forgetting true religion and spirituality. When one sees a man with material possession and influence in a society, they want to influence the man to accept themselves into their life. They would also want to enjoy the benefits of luxury life. For this, some don’t even mind if the man is married and have own family. In some cases, the man openly admits he has family and the woman accepts. In such circumstances, the family will break. Because the man’s attention now is diverted and he slowly forgets his responsibility towards his wife and children. If the man is not into physical relationship only, the man will not accepts this woman into his life. The man who is into soul connection love will not easily fall to this kind of trap. The same goes to a woman. A woman has to raise good children. If the woman is involved in adultery, how could she bring up good children?

7. Your partner encourage you to do the things that you like or enjoy

Every one wants to be happy and peaceful. We will feel happy doing things that makes us happy. Some likes drawing, some likes dancing, some loves gardening, etc. Why would a partner wants to see us unhappy? Such partner is definitely not suitable. As long as we want to do something that doesn’t breach any law and not harmful, our partner should be able to allow us to do what we want to do. For example, acting. Most heroines will stop acting once they got married because their partner doesn’t like them acting too close with opposite gender. Or probably scared the wife will be more successful than the husband in that career. Ego will be hurt. To avoid all these, make an agreement for the wife not to continue acting after marriage. Imagine a life not following own passion and not living up to full potential.

8. Your partner goes through bad time together with you

Why do you need a partner who don’t share ups and downs of marriage life? Sometimes economy is hit with a crisis. Maybe one of you or both might be facing retrenchment. When you have a partner who loves your soul, he or she will definitely will stick together and help you to come out of the bad situation. If it is based on physical, maybe they will leave you because now you no longer can take care of them financially, to buy branded clothes or going to expensive restaurants.

9. You can trust your partner

Trust is an important aspect in all relationships. I won’t say that trust can be given freely for 100% especially in the initial phase because trust has to be built based on past experiences. Did your partner do what they said will do? Did you ever get cheated by your partner? Your gut feelings can trust your partner? Did they ever let you down? Do they repeat the same offense again and again? Can you trust them with opposite gender at work and circle of friends? A person who is into soul connection and are truly in love will try their best to ensure that they don’t break their partner’s trust. Because once trust is no longer in the relationship, the foundation has become weak and we are just waiting for time to break the marriage or partnership. Once trust is broken, it is not easy to build it back.

10. Both are giving and receiving in the relationship

Nobody loves if they have to continue to give but don’t receive anything back in return. All relationship are made with the expectation of getting something in return. If one keeps giving without receiving, they will feel depleted and may feel unhappy in the long term of a relationship. One of the important key in keeping a long lasting relationship is by giving and take from each other. If one goes out to work, the other one takes care of home. If one takes care of cleaning, the other takes care of repairing. If one is away from home for work, the other takes care of kids at home. If one person has to do everything and the other doesn’t do anything, what is point of being in relationship? You will only build resentment.

As a conclusion, I believe the above criterias are needed in order for the relationship to last long and also to find out if someone is into your soul or just attracted to your body. If you can find someone with this criteria, consider yourself lucky. This criteria applies to both partner. If you are lacking in any of the mentioned criteria, try to improve yourself. A relationship requires cooperation and understanding from both partners. You can’t expect your partners to do all the above but you are not.

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Ugly ones are lucky

I recently watched a Hindi movie “Chhapaak” featuring Deepika Padukone and Vikrant Massey. The story is about an acid attack survivor fighting to get justice against her attacker in court and how the whole family was affected due to this. This story also has love story. When it comes to Bollywood, it is almost impossible a love story not shown in the storyline. The story depicts how love blossoms between the survivor and the guy who fights against this crime.

It makes me to think how many of us will have a man to love us if we were ugly and looked horrible. Most men comes after us because we have fair and flawless skin, attractive body, sweet voice, looking pretty after wearing all those make up. Some of us are naturally pretty without make up. Some have to rely on make up to make us look pretty. For those who were naturally dark skin have to use all kind of products to bleach the skin so that they too can look attractive.

I am yet to find one man who can look at me beyond how I look physically. I was born fair but naturally turn dark as I grow. I used to question my mum how my skin color changed when in the baby picture, I was looking fair. Growing up, my siblings were fairer to me. They used to tease me for being dark. Sometimes when relatives visit home, they questioned what happened to me as I was looking even darker due to playing sports at school. I used to feel inferior and compare myself to everyone who is looking fairer and prettier. Not forgetting some of my friends who mocked me they couldn’t see me in dark.

Thanks to fair and lovely, a product that I never forget to use in hope that one day my skin will be fair and I will be accepted by my peers. I never really liked disturbed by males, so I made no effort to actually look pretty when I was younger. Even the slightest effort to tie my hair differently will be noticed by my mum and I will immediately stop changing anything if I were questioned. But one thing I really liked, was the attire. I loved dressing up, wear something nice and look confident.

I thought I don’t like attention until I was working and started to do some drastic changes in my diet. In 2014, I was working in a local bank. Initially when I joined, I paid little attention on how I looked. Then I joined a health and fitness club near my workplace, I changed my diet and followed a new routine. I was encouraged to trim my eyebrows and change some of my outfits. Within a week I took this diet, my skin started to look healthy, fairer and radiant. A male colleague who always flirt with other female colleagues, suddenly started to notice me. I was always there. But this time he noticed because I started to look more attractive to him.

Even managers started to notice me and soon you can say I was famous in that office. Why all these happens? Purely because of physical reason. The same thing happen when I changed job and met someone with whom I fell in love with and the interest was mutual. He was definitely into me because of how I looked. If I were ugly, he wouldn’t even have noticed me because I’m talking about a good looking man who knows how to flatter a women. Even when I got into a relationship with someone who seems like one kind of psycho, this guy also into me because of how I looked.

I didn’t like arrange marriage because number one criteria the family will be looking for will be how the girl look like. Is she tall or short, thin or fat, dark or fair, etc? I didn’t have a single marriage proposal that they want to know me as a person first and know my character. It is all physical.

I feel jealous of a woman whose physical is destroyed by some sort of accident or attack but they found a man who really loved them beyond of their physical look. These women are really lucky. Yes, they might be receiving all kind of weird look from people around them but they have true love. They have someone to love them unconditionally.

This is a reality in this world. If you are pretty, you will be noticed easily. If you are not, then you need something in order for people to notice you. Courage, knowledge and self confidence are some of the traits needed for people to notice you. But beware of physical attraction. Because once the attraction fades and the body loses its beauty, what is left is only the inner self. If the relationship is purely on physical, the relationship may not last long. The challenge is to find someone who is really into you, into your soul. Will I ever be able to find someone who is into my soul? Only time can reveal.

5 Things That Your Girlfriend Wants From You

Women can be a confusing creature. One time they want one thing and another time, they want something else. But after reading this, you will know for sure that this is not going wrong again. Are you ready to find out the truth? Quickly read this.

1.Attention

Number one thing a woman craves from you will be your attention. She would expect you to remember her even when you are busy working. A simple text message to remind her how much you love her or miss her would mean the world to her. Remember to send at least two to three message in a day to show her that you really care for her and thinking about her. No message means she is not that important to you and you have other important things to do including texting someone else. You could have texted her in the morning when you wake up. Or quick text during lunch. Let’s assume you have been really busy during the day. Then text her at least a goodnight message. It takes less than a minute to show that you care.

2.Outing routine

Every woman would love to go out and spend time with their loved ones. It could be a dinner for just the two of you. Or a lunch after watching a movie. Or simply walking along the beach holding hands and eating ice cream. You know your work schedule better than anyone. For sure you know your girlfriend’s work schedule too. At least have an outing once a week. If you are on a tight budget, then just go for window shopping. The most important thing is you are spending time with her.

3.Thoughtful gifts

Who said you should only buy a gift when it is your girlfriend’s birthday. You can buy something that you know she would have mentioned in the conversation. Maybe she mentioned that she likes chocolate. Or flowers. Or sneakers. It doesn’t have to be costly to show your love. When you buy someone a gift, that gift will remind them of you as long as they keep them.

4.Be there when she needs you

Things can go wrong. The tyre can be punctured. She could have missed the last bus and stranded somewhere. She might be going through some loss right now. Maybe her boss scolded her and she is feeling down and needed someone to tell her that everything will be ok. All she needs is a hug to calm her down. Sometimes she might be putting up a face that she is all ok. But still hug her and reassure her that everything will be ok.

5.Be better than her

If you are doing less than her in terms of studies, work or in life, try to work harder and do better than her. She wants to see that you are really working hard to provide everything that she needs. Don’t be a man who seek support from your girlfriend. She has to pay your bills. She has to pay for your food. She is the one who has to help you all the time. If you are someone who is less fortunate than others (have some sort of disability), then it is okay. But you are not, then buckle up!

Try this methods to keep your girlfriend happy and see for yourself how she responds to you. Do comment below if these methods work for you. Good Luck! 🙂

The Supporter

The worst feeling ever

When you can’t share your feelings

To anyone

Because not everybody understands

Most difficult times

When facing test in life

When I turn back to see who has my back

I can only see myself

People can promise

But whether they really do

Is a question

Situation reveals the truth

I am my greatest backbone

I am my greatest strength

I am my greatest admirer

I am my own loyal friend

Written by : Puspha Jeyapergasam

9.12.2019

Choose yourself first

Whenever there is issue

Be it a relationship issue

Family issue

Workplace issue

Own emotional issue

Always choose yourself first

If you are not happy

If you are not contented

Find the reason

Why you feel in that way

No point serving others

When your own need is neglected

You can only give

When you are full

If you keep giving

Without filling yourself first

One day you will ended up

Depleted, exhausted & tired

Every relationship will only flourish

When you serve in this way

When you are full and happy

Otherwise you will grow resentment

Anger and hatred

Over a long period of time

For not getting what you want

But only giving to others

You think you are saving a relationship

But actually you are losing your sanity

It might be a little selfish

But both side of a relationship

Will benefit if both decided

To choose the self first

And making sure the core need

Is being fulfilled

And then serve others

Written by : Puspha Jeyapergasam

7 Dec 2019