How did I overcome depression?

I saw a post in FB that reminded me of my own experience going through depression many many years ago. At that time, I didn’t even know I was depressed. I didn’t understand why was I depressed? What made me depressed? Then, one day suddenly I realized I am no longer depressed. What did I do or changed that made me to come out of depression? This is my story and realization. If you are depressed or know someone who is depressed and need help, then you might want to learn something from my experience.

I totally agree with Jim Carrey when he said “depression is your mind telling you it’s tired of being the character you’re trying to play.” I was trying to become someone I was not supposed to be. I tried so hard with no avail. I was totally convinced that I was supposed to do certain things in a certain way. I did not understand until my body started to show sign of depression and I had no idea I was depressed. What are the signs to let you know that you might be depressed? Let me share with you.

Tears are now your best friend

Do you find yourself crying a lot? Do you cry silently without anyone knowing about it? You could be driving with tears rolling in? Maybe somebody hurt your feelings. You don’t like it and there’s nothing you could do to stop them from hurting your feelings. Maybe they are unaware that they are hurting your feelings. They think they are not doing anything wrong. It’s just you being a baby, so fragile, so sensitive. Maybe you are told you are simply seeking attention. I was told that. I was not supposed to seek attention. Why am I not allowed to seek attention? Why is it wrong to seek attention? Babies seek attention all the time. They cry. They throw tantrum. Even animals. If you don’t give enough attention to your pet, they will come and disturb you and tell you “now look at me, I want your attention!” But why is it wrong for me to seek a little attention or love? I didn’t understand back then.

You prefer not to speak to anybody

You are going through a problem but you are unable to speak to anyone about it. You just don’t know who to speak to. Nobody seems to understand you. Maybe it feels illegal to talk about it. Maybe you are afraid of people judging you. Maybe it’s you who is problematic. Does this feel familiar? Well, I went through it. I kept quiet. I didn’t share to anyone. I couldn’t share to anyone. I kept it all inside till it was boiling inside and waited to explode. At one point, I couldn’t stop it from exploding. Of course, at the end of the day, the blame is all on me. I decided to accept it and move on.

You are no longer interested to do what you are supposed to do

If you are student, you no longer want to study. If you are working, you no longer want to work. You simply lose interest. You are so into the problem, into your sadness, that nothing else mattered to you. I remember I couldn’t study for exam. I did no preparation for the exam. The book was physically in front of me but I couldn’t study. Let me tell you I used to be considered as “smart” student in school. I simply couldn’t study.

People around you can see you are depressed

People around me could see I was deeply unhappy. I wouldn’t speak to people around me. I was always unhappy. It was very clear on my face. So basically I made everyone unhappy because I was crushing inside. I was told to get help, which initially I refused. Somehow I was convinced and I met someone who helped me to see that whatever that I was feeling was completely normal. I was reminded on the things that I was good at. It helped me to feel better.

What made me to be depressed?

Now this is an interesting question. Some people become depressed as a result of something bad happens to them. I became depressed as a result of my own decision. I was highly attracted to spirituality and wanted to be a spiritual person. In order to be a spiritual person, you need to let go a lot of things and follow certain discipline. I decided to do that and tried so hard to become that person that I thought I wanted to be. I wanted to be an obedient person and follow instruction. Well that backfired! I am not a person who blindly follow instruction. I am a deep thinker and I question a lot. I ended up keeping quiet and tried to follow everything I was supposed to follow. So when I couldn’t speak up and say things, I became depressed.

I didn’t know how to articulate my feelings and that became a huge problem. I didn’t even understand myself. I thought that was what I wanted to be but I was deeply unhappy. I couldn’t vibe with people I was with at that time, so I ended up feeling alone even though I was around a lot of people. I didn’t even have a good connection with people around me. Imagine you are spending a lot of your time with people who made you feel alone. It was not their fault. It wasn’t my fault either. We simply not meant to deal with each other. That’s it.

How did I overcome depression?

It disappeared over time. I removed myself from the place that made me unhappy. I stopped playing that character that my body doesn’t want me to play. Then naturally depression gone. Today if I were to ask myself questions, am I happy, peaceful and contented? My answer will be a YES! 100% YES! I am now with my own family who accepts me as who I am. They allow me to simply be myself and do whatever that I want to do. I don’t feel alone. In fact, I don’t even listen to anybody who tells me what to do. I decide that myself. I make my decision. If I feel something is off or I don’t like something or someone, I simply stay away and mind my own business.

My mental health is my priority. I don’t want to engage with anyone who makes me feel less than who I am. I want to be reminded of my strength, not my weaknesses. I do have weaknesses. Everybody has it. Nobody is perfect. Today I can openly tell you, yes these are my weaknesses. I accept them as part of me. I am no longer going to apologize for that. This is me. If a person cannot accept that, they simply have to stay away from me. That’s it. I want to focus on my strengths. What am I good at? What makes me feel good about myself? As long as I follow my heart, I think I will be fine.

What should you do?

I am not going to tell you what you are supposed to do with your life. You decide for yourself. My situation probably different than you. I have a supporting family, who helps me when I’m down. You might not have that. Some people have toxic family. Maybe toxic friends or relatives. If you are unhappy, find out why are you unhappy. Who is making you unhappy? Is there a way you can stay away from them? Probably they are your husband or wife. Maybe they are your children. Bring your focus back to yourself. What makes you happy? Do a little experiment. Write it down. If people make you unhappy, speak up. Tell them you don’t like it. Tell them to stop doing that. Find a way. There is no one who is going to stand up for you. You stand up for yourself. Nobody should disrespect you for whatever reason. Maybe you are the toxic one in the relationship. Can you change yourself?

You should know yourself inside and out, better than anyone else. Don’t let anyone to tell you who you are! They are not you! I have stood up for myself whenever I find people try to bully me. I don’t let anyone to bully me. I don’t like. If I can’t do anything, I just leave for the sake of my mental peace. I have reached a point where I can tell people off. I am no longer afraid of what people will think of me. People can think whatever they want. If they think I am a bad person, let it be. If they think I am arrogant, let it be. It doesn’t matter what people think of me. It matters what I think about myself. The moment you achieve this level, you will feel very free. You can just be yourself.

Society has certain expectation on you. Break free from those expectation. You decide what you want to do and how you want to do things. If people around you cannot accept it, then you are with wrong people. Even if they are your family members. I am currently practicing this and I find that this method helps me to be happy and peaceful. Don’t go to a spiritual person and ask them to solve your problem for you. You have a brain. You can think for yourself. Take responsibility for your own life and face any challenges that comes out of it. Stop looking down at your own ability. If only you know how powerful you are… Don’t let people to brainwash you. They will scare you to the max using God, hell, or sin. They are just human like you. Take back your power. Live your life.