Gratitude for 2021

A year passed in a blink of an eye. I thought we would be back to normal life, but no, it didn’t happen. In fact, 2021 was an awakening year for me. I woke up to many lies fed to me since young. This year also gave me a lot of time in introspection. I spent a lot of time with me. There were good things that happened to me as well, hence this post is dedicated to express gratitude to the good things that happened to me and also to share the lessons I have learnt this year.

1. Celebrating a year being self employed

I have always wanted to be my own boss. I want to dictate what time I will work, how I will work, able to take time off whenever I want, and want to have flexibility. I have worked under people, most of the time I hated it. I did work with few amazing bosses, had wonderful colleagues who made my working life more enjoyable. But in 2017, I told myself I will never work under someone. I did ended up working under someone after that, but it was a job that I loved doing. I had amazing 3 years in that job. Then, the time came for me to leave. I just instinctively knew I had to leave and I left. I had no back up at that time. I had only few students studying with me at that time. I knew I would teach and get more students, but how would I get it? I didn’t know how and just surrendered to universe to help me. And guess what? The universe did send me help without me having to ask anyone for help. To the angel who helped me, may universe pay you back for your good deed. Now I look back, it has been a year I started this, I am still teaching and survived the whole year, teaching from the comfort of my own house, I mean my parent’s house. Thank you universe for supporting me in this journey.

2. Survived without taking the deadly jab and remaining healthy

Yes, I consider that deadly. When the pandemic started, I understood it was done on purpose. I thought we would soon be back to normal. I thought I would wait for few years and see the side effects of the jab and then decide if I want to take it or not. But no, I didn’t have to wait for few years. I got answers almost immediately. There were many who complained about the side effects, and some died even but no actions were taken on those who were responsible for their death. Everything was brushed under carpet. Despite so many people took it, still we had to follow all the ridiculous SOPs, still people had to take booster shot. It was not making sense to me at all. They didn’t even care for people when people were dying committing suicide, due to chronic illnesses, millions of people losing job everywhere, but only cared for people who died due to C**** infection? Even recently when flood hit some flood prone area, they didn’t even send proper help. The people were left stranded without food. The Malaysians, the common people ran to rescue the helpless victim. Hence, I am confident that they don’t care about my well being, I decided I will take charge of my own health, whether it’s mental health or physical health. Till today, I am still healthy with no sign of C****. I have started to pay attention to the food that I’m eating. I am committed to eat healthier, I did some changes to my diet. In fact, I eat way less than before. Everybody took the jab for fear of not able to live normal life. You can’t eat in restaurant, you can’t travel, you can’t enter banks, etc. I was ready to face this, I can’t let someone else to dictate about my body. Somehow as of now, I am still able to travel, still can enter premises. I am thankful to the universe for still protecting me. I am just waiting for more people to realize that this jab is harming them more than protecting them. Truth cannot be hidden for so long. If I can survive with no sign of sickness without taking the jab, then you can also survive without it. This is a multibillion dollar business. This is never about health.

3. Spending more time with family

The whole year I was at home most of the time. Most of us are at home, working on our own from home. There is calm feeling knowing that your family is with you, that they are safe and sound. They can still move around, still healthy. In fact, waking up hearing my nephew’s voice brings joy to me. He would come to my room and wake me up “Nimana, wake up Nimana…” He would ask why to everything we tell him. Sometimes he surprised us with his ability to repeat complicated things we teach him. He would bring a book and ask questions “What is this?” ….. What is life without family? I understand not everyone is in the same situation. Some had to be separated from their family for long. Everyone has different blessing to count for. And this is my blessing. Thank you universe for keeping my family safe and sound.

4. Healing & loving myself unconditionally

The process of healing started long time ago. I spent years in sadness. I didn’t understand why was I sad. I didn’t understand what I was looking for. I stumbled upon a lot of things. I made mistakes and learnt hard lessons. Some mistakes were meant to happen to make me realize certain things. There were things I wanted initially, after getting it made me realize that I wasn’t actually happy doing it, then I dropped it off to keep myself happy. The pain and suffering made me realize that nobody owe me anything. I was looking for love and attention outside of me. I thought I have found what I wanted, then within a short period of time, I realized that it didn’t make me happy. I didn’t understand why was I still unhappy when I thought doing certain things will make me happy. The year 2021 was the year I truly realized that I am my own happiness. I am complete and happy on my own. I decided that I will give me everything that I will ever need. I took back my power from people around me. I decided that I will make my own decision and face the consequence of my own action. I will be responsible for the choice I made in the past. I learnt to trust myself when making decision. I learnt to trust my intuition more than anything. And I tell you, I was the happiest and the calmest that I have ever been in my life after I have decided this for myself. There was no confusion as to what I will do. I just knew things will fall into place. I was constantly reminded with angel numbers everyday that my path is supported and protected by angel. Anytime I would go into negative mode, I would get reminder by angel to change my thoughts. Despite being single, I am not worried at all about what will happen to me, as I’m getting message from the universe that everything will fall into place. I just need to take care of my vibrations. Thank you universe for presenting all the challenges that I faced and for making me stronger internally. Thank you for making me feel like I am being supported and I am not alone in my journey.

5. Meeting my twin flame

I didn’t know anything about twin flame before. It was 2021 when I started to take notice about twin flame. I went through all the stages of meeting twin flame, going through the bubbly love period, running away and chasing my twin flame, being separated for years and finally coming into reunion. I didn’t understand why was I kept drawn back to my twin flame. No matter what I do to stop and forget my twin flame, I simply couldn’t do it. You have no idea how many times I have tried to block my twin flame and move on. Every single time I try to do it, I would weep to sleep. When I started to notice twin flame messages, I realized that this is not a normal connection. Despite not meeting my twin flame for years, I felt as though I understood him more just through telepathy. Words are not needed to explain how we feel. I just know and sensed things from far away. There are others who tried to get close to me, and I did try to give them chance. Unfortunately, no matter how much I try, I’m just unable to feel anything for other people. I just shut myself down and simply have no interest finding anyone. In fact, I chase away every single person that comes my way. The energy simple didn’t match to what I have felt with my twin flame. Twin flame journey is the journey to love the self. It supposed to activate healing and coming to understand about our life purposes. This connection is definitely not an easy connection, because it triggers a lot of unhealed wounds within me. I have spent years in healing myself. Hence the universe rewarded me with the opportunity to meet my twin flame. I am grateful to the universe for making this happen. I used to be a very needy person in relationship. Since now I no longer feel like I need anyone and I’m happy with myself, I guess this has attracted reunion with my twin flame. Whether this connection will work over time or not, I am not worried about it at all. I just let go and leave it to the universe. I believe whatever is meant for me, it will be mine. I don’t have to chase it. I trust that everything will happen in divine timing. Time is an illusion. I don’t have to chase other people’s timeline. My journey is different than others and I will decide how I will go about my journey, whether it’s with my twin flame or without.

Lessons I have learnt in 2021

We usually learn by reading, watching or listening from other people’s experiences but the best experience is the one that we go through ourselves. 2021 was a wake up call for me and I did some changes in my life as a result of it.

1. Be more cautious with what I feed my body or use on my body

Beginning of 2021, I was diagnosed as a pre-diabetic. I got shocked and couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I just hit 31 and to be diagnosed with leading disease shook me. I rarely eat chocolate, all the sweets, avoided carbonated drinks, the only drink I would buy was Milo and soy drinks. I am vegetarian some more. How on earth did I get this? It was the biscuits I was eating all these years. I ate gardenia bread with chocolate. Most of the time I would eat fried rice. And yes, I didn’t really have an active lifestyle. I would go on hiking but it’s only once or twice in a month. Sometimes I would only go in few months or there would be some gap due to pandemic. What shocked me was the doctor wanted to put me immediately on medication without even educating me properly on how can I reverse this condition. I was lost and had no idea where to go and ask for advice. I came across Dr Berg’s youtube video and started intermittent fasting, changed my diet. I have started to monitor my own body and heal my body so that I would live without medication. This was a wake up call for me. I realized the doctors had no idea how to heal our body. They only know how to prescribe medication. Few years back, I developed chronic bloating, and would vomit and get headache frequently. I went to government clinic and private clinics and hospitals, even got myself admitted to find out what’s happening to my body. After scanning and doing several tests, the doctors were not able to tell me what’s wrong with my body. After doing intermittent fasting and changing my diet, I now no longer have bloated issue, no more vomitting and no more headaches. Sometimes I would get mild headaches and I now know how to release the pain without taking panadol. I have also stopped taking medicine for fever, flu or cough. I just take milk with turmeric. It works like magic. So the question is why didn’t the doctors know how to treat me? I started to doubt what they know because I suffered for years with no solution. When they tell me I should listen to experts about taking jabs, I became even more doubtful. The fact that how they ignored all the people who suffered from severe side effects and deaths made me to doubt them even more. I decided that I will learn everything I need to know about healing, about food and I will not listen to people who are profiting from other people’s sickness. Why is it more and more people getting diagnosed with cancer, heart diseases when the science technology is so advanced? I understood one thing very clearly. Health is a business. Sick people are source of income for them. They don’t care whether you are healthy or not. They care about money. In fact, the food pyramid we learnt in school is wrong. We have been eating all wrong our entire life. Those of you who thinks eating cereals and Milo are healthy, well good luck to you.

I have also became more conscious about the ingredients they use on my hair products. Apparently sulphate and dimethicone will cause hair loss. I did experience hair thinning over the years. I had to find out what’s causing me to lose my hair. So I decided to regularly put oil on my head to reduce losing hair. I have changed my toothpaste to non-fluoride. There are more things to be done. I’m still using make up that contains non-natural products. I hope to completely change what I use on my body to avoid me ending up in hospitals. I have lost trust in modern medicine and practitioners who don’t care about the well being of the people. Not all of them are bad. There are some who are speaking up against the medical tyranny that’s happening today.

2. Be cautious with people with hidden intention

When people want to give you things for free, be careful with that. Usually they want something from you. It is done to manipulate you to support them when they need you. Not many people are truly doing things in a altruistic manner. When they come back to ask for help, and if you deny them, they get defensive. You might have your own reason as to why you refuse to help, probably something is just not right with their energy. They wont understand that no matter what they say, their energy is exposing them. I have started to listen to my inner guide. I find myself unable to relate to a lot of people I used to relate to. I wanted to protect my energy at all cost. Only limited people have access to my energy. Anyone that is not vibing with my energy has to keep a distance. I am not bothered about what they think about me. I have stopped pleasing people at my own expense. If I don’t want to do certain things, it means I don’t want to do it. I told myself in the beginning of 2021, I want to be intuitive and learn to read people’s energy. I guess it is helping me.

3. The leaders and media are just puppet

I wondered why the leaders kept giving stupid statements and why the media kept reporting them. Why children went missing and no proper action were taken by the authorities? Why every leader that comes to power kept working on dividing the people and create more racial tension among them? I thought only in Malaysia we are having this problem, but actually this is happening everywhere around the globe. Why did the Chinese and Indians were brought to Tanah Melayu before independence? Why didn’t the British use the Malays to build this country back then? It was all done with a purpose. It was done to break unity. They kept playing on these differences and spread hatred among people. I thought we got independence in 1957. The reality is that we are not really independent. The leaders are under the control of certain elites. Money is working behind the scene. The media is working for them. Hence they don’t expose what’s really happening to the public. Even if they did, they are dragged to court. I understood that I have to see what’s happening from top, then everything started to make sense. I realized that nobody is going to come and rescue me. I have to rescue myself. I understood that I have to alert people and wake them from their deep sleep. But not everyone will wake up. Some people are meant to go through this. My part is to let you know that the power is in your hand. Take back your power. Unlearn and relearn new things.

4. Religion is a business; it is used to encourage discrimination and spread hatred

I watched Jay Bhim with great agony. I wondered why do certain people treat the lower caste in an inhumane way? In fact, I had this question since young. I found out about Dr Ambedkar from this movie and searched for more information. I came across a movie about him, played by Mammooty. The lower caste people were not allowed to be part of society, they were not even allowed to drink water from river that were shared with other castes. They cannot share same cup with other people. It is considered as sin. Dr Ambedkar studied really hard and became a lawyer in order to fight for his people. Despite being a scholar, he still faced worst treatment by people around him. He couldn’t even get a place to stay or rent. He had to live in a room filled with rat. Just because they were considered as “untouchable”. Can you relate this to what is happening here in Malaysia? You cannot touch certain food or animal because it is “haram” as per religion. Certain race cannot get a place to stay just because of their race and religion. The same thing that happened in India is slowly happening in this country. Dr Ambedkar didn’t really like Mahatma Gandhi because Gandhi didn’t allow him to have own representation in parliament to fight for their rights. As per Gandhi in that movie, the untouchables are part of Hinduism, they cannot have separate representation. He allowed representations for Muslims and Christians but not for the untouchables. At the end, Dr Ambedkar renounce Hinduism and embraced Buddhism. This movie made me realize that it is not just the culture that practised discrimination. It was the religion that practiced discrimination. The question is did God tell them to do this or is this done by another human for the purpose of control?

Did you realize that it is very easy to con people using God’s name? God is not coming down to tell you directly “Hey, stop spreading misinformation about Me! I did not tell them to do this!” So everyone used God’s name to scare people from living their true, full potential. How do parents control children? “Stop jumping around, otherwise God will come and poke your eyes.” How do religious scholar control people? “The planet is in wrong place right now, you have to do some rituals to avoid bad things from happening to you!” “You have to do all these things to go to heaven. Otherwise you will go to hell!” How do politicians control people? “That people from those religion or race have bad intention for you, you should fight them!” Nobody asked the question “why did God create different people with different colors, different shapes, different languages?” If God created you, then God would have also created other people right? Did He create all the different people so that you fight each other? What will He get with you fighting with each other? Everybody talks about God but nobody met Him in person. God created nature. Nature didn’t charge us a single cent to live. It gave us everything for free. Who is charging us? Human beings. Free energy is available. But we are being charged. Why? Animals supposed to live too. But what do we do? We chase them out of their place, and build our own houses there. Some animals are labeled as “haram” and many kill them because of religious beliefs. Why would God create all these different people and different animals if they were not meant to live? Did God really say those things or was it changed? We all know history books were changed to suit the ruling party. How do you know God actually said those things thousands of years ago? Nobody changed anything? Are you sure? Will God tell you to be patient with abusive husband just because heaven lies under his feet? Will God tell you not to give food or shelter to another because they are of different race or religion? Will God ever tell this? How can He say this? Isn’t he the most compassionate of all? The forgiving one? Something is simply not adding up.

In that movie, the untouchables were not even allowed to enter temples. Who are these people to decide who can enter and cannot enter temple? I heard long time ago that you must put money in temple to pray, otherwise you would be denied to pray in India. I used to believe in all these “jathagam” or horoscope. What I realized is that only certain percentages do come true. How do the things they say come true? They plant a seed in our consciousness. It is us who make it come true by consistently thinking about it. I am yet to find one person who are able to predict accurately on what will happen in one’s life. Every year thousands of devotees go to Batu Caves for Thaipusam prayers. The amount of collection they collect for God is huge. Nobody knows what happens to these collection. I used to follow Sadhguru and watch a lot of his videos. I came across people questioning him about a large forest he was using to build his yoga centre. I didn’t really pay attention to what was going on because I loved his insight on life. But when I watched “Mukuthi Amman” movie acted by Nayanthara, I got awaken. I loved the dialog where she says “If God can speak to this kind of people (referring to a baba in that movie who was a fraud), why wouldn’t He speak to you? Speak to Him directly and He would listen.” This one sentence made me realize how people have been using God to cheat people. It is very easy to cheat people using God’s name. People get scared of the unknown and believe it to be true. Most people do not question things. They just believe things as they were told. If only people were using brain, most injustice happened in the past could have been avoided. People would use all their wealth to build temples but not help another poor people. During disaster you can see people’s true nature. Nobody is a saint. Not you and not me. We are human with human experience. We are meant to live in abundance. To live in abundance, we need to break limiting mindset.

5. Money is energy

I learnt that the only way for me to achieve abundance and unlimited wealth is through subconscious programming. The poor and the rich people had certain programming. If you do not work on this programming, no matter how hard you work, you always end up being poor. Not having enough money for yourself. Not able to enjoy life as you are supposed to. Am I here to live like a slave? Work in a job that I hate my entire life and make other people rich? I want to decide what I want to do with my time and energy. If I want to travel, I should be able to travel whenever I want to. If I want to rest, I should be able to do that. If I need help with certain things, I should be able to get help with no issue. What is needed for all these? Money. Abundance. Wealth. I realized that the bank are cheating us unfairly by using compound interest. By using the same concept, the rich are getting richer. The money we keep in bank are used by them to invest and get huge profit. They lend us money and charge us interest and grow money easily. This keeps us as slave forever. The school never teach us about money because they don’t want us to know how to earn and live comfortably. If we are poor, we have to beg the government for help, we would constantly be under their mercy. This will keep them in power. Even if they abuse us, we can’t question them. But if you understood how money works, and able to attract abundance to yourself, you will be in better place because now you have power, money and respect. How to attract money? You have to understand energy. Rich and wealth has certain energy. Poor has certain energy. You can also call it as frequency. If you are able to change your subconscious mind, if you are able to believe that you are rich and abundant, your situation will change to match your energy. Money will come to you. As per what I understood about money as of today, I have to live my purpose and help people to achieve theirs. Rich people do not work for money. Money is never their concern. They do something to solve a common problem. Hence they attract wealth and abundance as a return of their deeds. I have started to work on manifesting on things that I want. I write what I want to achieve. I have vision boards. I visualize what I wish to experience in life. Gratitude is definitely one of the sure way of attracting abundance into my life. I have to work on energy or frequency.

How did I manifest things into existence?

I plant a seed in my subconscious mind. I usually go to sleep thinking and feeling something that is not in my reality. I did not doubt the things that manifested in the past as to whether it will manifest or not. I just had desires and thought about it, and then forgot about it. Then some other time, the thoughts would come back, I would desire it and then I will forget about it. I did not wait and question the universe where is the thing that I wanted. Why didn’t it manifest? Usually, it would happen after few years I wanted it. It happened naturally. The things that I questioned and waited never materialized. For example, I wanted a specific partner. I kept changing my desire. One time I would want it, another time I wouldn’t want it. Sometimes I would even question where is it? When I totally dropped the idea of wanting someone, chose myself and kept myself as priority, then I saw my reality changing. Suddenly my ex was texting wanting to be back together. Suddenly random people want to meet up. In fact, there are changes with my twin flame connection too. When I read about LOA in relationship few years back, I remember reading about the same thing. I should let it go, but I couldn’t do it. I was desperate to let it go but couldn’t do it no matter how hard I tried. I felt so weak. But now after many years of going through suffering and pain, I feel so much stronger and evolved to a different person. The main key to manifestation is the ability to let it go. Don’t stress about it. The universe knows how to move things and people to deliver your wish. You have to work on letting it all go. If you chase, it will run. Stop chasing and it will stop running. Instead stay in one place and attract it with your mind.

The things I truly enjoyed doing

I enjoyed teaching. It doesn’t matter whether I teach English for kids, whether I share about law of attraction, whether I talk about conspiracy theories, I love to learn about new things and share it especially writing. I could sit the entire day and only focus on writing. I usually write when there is a flow of thoughts. Just like now I am sitting here for hours and writing. I am not getting paid to write this but I just enjoy the process. If someone were to benefit from my writing, I would be thrilled to know it.

I also enjoyed nature. Watching nature from a hill, being surrounded by mist, or being near waterfall or beach is truly fascinating for me. Being in a quiet environment is heaven. I love photography. I don’t have the skill but I love to see beautiful photos. It makes me happy. Recently I realized that I am attracted to painting. Again I have no skill in painting or drawing but I am drawn to do that. So for this year, I would want to experiment with colors and doing something creative for fun. Simply to bring out my inner child. I would want to do the things that a kid would do. We forgot how to live. I have to relearn this from kids.

I remembered during my cousin’s wedding that I attended recently how I used to love dancing. I used to be able to dance gracefully. I am definitely not flexible now but I do want to go back to dancing. Just for fun. I want to learn yoga and spend more time in meditation this year.

What I wish to achieve for 2022?

I definitely want to have more students this year. I want students to get full benefit and really take back something solid from my class. I want their results to speak for me.

I want to have minimum of 1000 subscribers for my Youtube channel and to monetize them.

For my blog as well, I hope to write and share more to my fellow readers and hope to increase to 1000 subscribers. For this blog, I am sharing about personal experience and realizations. This blog has helped me tremendously in my healing journey. This blog is definitely very close to my heart. For my readers, I send hugs and love to you. Thank you for staying with me. 🙂

May we get more and more abundance in life. Unlimited abundance, happiness and peaceful life.

May this year be a year full of magic. ❤

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