Find the reason of your unhappiness

We all face unhappiness in our life. Some of us are good actors and able to hide it with a bright smile. Some of us couldn’t hide it. It looks very obvious on our faces. I used to be that person who was unable to hide my unhappiness. I locked everything inside and at the slightest trigger, I used to get angry at people around me. I didn’t know how to process it and I used to lash out at people. Even now sometimes it happens. Only difference is I am much more happier than I used to be.

Why do we get unhappy? Why are we stressed all the time? Why aren’t we feel fulfilled in our life? How to stop being unhappy? I have learnt important lessons in the past years and I thought to pen it down. Who knows that somebody needs it right now? Or maybe later when you find this post. I look at my own life and analyzed what made me unhappy. And how did I come out of that unhappiness. I didn’t go through much suffering in my childhood. I would say it was rather a normal childhood. I was the eldest at home and contrary to other people’s experience, I usually get more than my siblings. I used to see my siblings question my mum, “why is she getting it and not us? It’s not fair!” Actually there were certain things that my sister or brother got it more compared to me. For example, when it comes to freedom of going out at night with friends, my brother had it more than us. When it comes to go for a school trip, I had it more. When it comes to sickness and special treatment, my sister had it more. So I look at it as all of us had it more in one way or another.

When I look at school life, apart from school teacher punishment and getting beaten from my mum due to our own mischievousness, I was rather a happy child. Probably a quiet child. Don’t really mingle around too much. I tried to recall when was I really unhappy? I was unhappy when I couldn’t study the course I wanted to study. Coming from a middle class family, my parents only had enough money to support us with food, shelter and clothes. They couldn’t afford to send me to private colleges for me to study my preferred course. I remember feeling disappointed, in fact it was only during this time, I started to realize the real life out here. You must have money if you want to study in private college. The government universities were reserved for Malays at much cheaper cost. They say it is their privilege and we shouldn’t question them. I wished someone told me this earlier so that I could have prepared myself to face this discrimination.

Then in my 20s, I found myself to be spiritual but unhappy. I was following strict lifestyles because I thought this was what I wanted. But I was unhappy to the point of getting depressed. I didn’t understand back then why was I depressed. But today I understood why. I was told I need to be obedient and follow rules. I couldn’t voice out anything and suppressed my feelings. I was also away from my family and didn’t have the support I needed at that time. I struggled with my own demon, I stayed in the same situation out of fear. I thought that was the kind of life I wanted but I couldn’t reach other people’s expectation of me. I tried really hard and was sincere in my effort but I couldn’t do it. I was unhappy because I thought I wasn’t good enough. Everybody around me able to do it but I couldn’t. So I wasn’t good and failing terribly. I couldn’t process my emotions and I used to just ignore people. I became very quiet. I got irritated when people around me were laughing and having fun, but I couldn’t.

Then, I think the universe needed me to get out of that situation and pushed me to make a move. I got help immediately and found myself out of that situation. It was amazing to see how the universe helped to move things and people so I could get out of it. I remember feeling lost and wondered what kind of life I lived until that point, it felt like I didn’t even had a good connection with anyone. I felt I made a wrong choice in life. But it had to happen. Because I learnt an important lesson here. I shouldn’t do things to please other people thinking I’m doing it for them, because I love them when my heart is unhappy. I should speak up when I don’t like things and I should keep a boundary with people. The same things with other people. A lot of people do things not from their heart. They do it because they were told to do it. Even if they don’t like certain things, they keep quiet and push it aside. So there is a lot of feelings of resentment in the air. In the long run, this will end up in disaster. So I learnt to be more open and direct. People still don’t like me for this attitude but people, I went through hell to get this attitude. So it’s gonna stick with me for long.

I have learnt the importance of speaking up and standing up for myself. I have learnt to stay away from people who tried to control me. I have a free will and able to think for myself. Whatever is my choice, I am answerable directly to God. Nobody on earth can question this. As long as I don’t do any harm to people, animals and mother earth, I think I have all the freedom to do and move as I like. Sometimes people younger than us can be more wise than us. We shouldn’t think as if we know it all. We don’t. I have learnt to listen to my own heart. If it’s unhappy, I don’t do anything that keeps it unhappy. I stay away from people, situation, and things that make my heart unhappy.

Then, again I found myself unhappy. I was unhappy to the point that I was literally begging God to show me the right way. I was anxious that I couldn’t find the right partner for my life. Everyone seems to be able to do it with ease. But I couldn’t. My heart wasn’t accepting people. Then I managed to convince my heart to accept people and found myself in relationship. Guess what? I was unhappy still. I started to wonder what the hell do I really want? I don’t even understand myself. I constantly broke up with my ex because I didn’t get what I want. I wanted attention, quality time but I didn’t get it. It was shallow connection, didn’t really touch my heart. I couldn’t even trust my ex. I don’t know. Something was just not right. Of course my guts were right when I found out certain things about my ex. Even after break up, I was constantly asking myself “what do I really want?” I felt lonely when I was in relationship. When I broke up, I was still feeling alone. I was still searching outside for that person who will make me happy. Then suddenly something changed.

I decided that I’m going to be that person for myself. I’m going to date myself. I’m going to take care of myself for myself. I want to do things that makes me happy. Anything and anyone who makes me unhappy have to stay out of my life. Why do one need man? Women need men for security and to get children. But if a man cannot make me feel safe and actually keep me safe for real, then what’s the point of such a man? If a man cannot control himself and fall for lust for other woman, then what’s the point of such man? If a man cannot provide for me and my children and ensure we have enough to survive, then what’s the point? We keep hearing stories of adultery everywhere. It seems so normal nowadays. Why can’t people just be honest with their spouse and tell them the truth and get out of that relationship before they go to someone else? Do I really want to go through all these with such a man? The answer is no. I have to be prepared in case I have to face it. So who is the best person to take care of my need? Who is not going to lie to me and cheat me behind my back? Who is going to stick around despite knowing all my weaknesses? Who is not going to run away? That person is ME!

I decided that I’m going to take care of myself. I’m going to give everything I need to myself. I’m going to make sure that nobody hurt me. If I need to have children, I could just adopt them. I just need to make sure that I’m wealthy enough to take care of them. I need to make sure that I’m healthy and I’m not dependent on someone else to take care of me. If I’m wealthy, I could hire assistant to take care of me. When I started to think in this manner, I found myself in peace. Because right now, I have my power within my control. I am not running around begging and chasing some people’s attention. There is a difference between being vulnerable and chasing people. Being vulnerable comes from a place of truth. Chasing comes from fear. So today I no longer feel unhappy because I am single. I am happy with myself. I enjoy myself in solitude. I feel like I want to hug myself tight. I feel like I have everything I need within myself. I don’t require another person to make me happy.

So find the reason of your unhappiness. It could be your relationship or your job that makes you unhappy. It could be the place that you are staying. It could be your friends who is making you unhappy. Or it could be your children. What is it making you unhappy? How can you come out of that situation? How can you use the law of attraction to change your situation? Will you choose yourself or other people? The truth is nobody really care about you. Maybe your parents might care for you genuinely. Other than that, no. People are selfish and have fear. If you want to do something for someone, do it because you want to do it. Not because you want to do it for them. You will realize that they won’t even appreciate you for your sacrifice. Sometimes people do things freely for others in order to manipulate them. “I have done so much for you and this is how you repay me?” Is this familiar? People do things out of expectation. When you don’t do things as they expect you to do, they become unhappy. That’s when you can see the intention of people. Usually it’s for selfish reason. So don’t do things to please others. Please yourself first. You have to like and love yourself first. You have to maintain certain boundaries and protect you. Do things for people out of love. Not with expectation. Remember whatever you do will return to you in tenfold. It may not necessary that the same people you helped will return your good deeds. It will come in other ways. When you do this, you will find yourself in peace and happiness. 🙂

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