If you are already married and have kids in your 20s, then this post is not for you. If you are not married and have no kids and you are above 30s, then please proceed to read this. For those of you who have been following my blog and read my previous posts will understand that I have a problem to make a decision when it comes to settling down and getting married. I am standing in the middle between of wanting to settle down and at the same time having unknown fear of being with some unknown person where you will only know their true character after spending time with them for a minimum of 1 – 3 years. Our true character will reveal itself after some time. We won’t be able to pretend for so long. Knowing this, I have always tried to be as honest and true to myself as possible. And I realized I can be a very confusing person because I can’t make a decision.

I know how law of attraction works. I have a list of the characters and how my future partner should look and I have clearly written them in my book but I ended up attracting men who do not fit in to my list. And worst thing is that I’m unable to move on fast like everybody else. It still amazes me how people can forget what happen in the past and continue their life with another person without feeling anything. Probably they do feel something but they don’t show and talk about it. Whereas I have to sit and think about what happen, why did it happen, what did I learn out it and keep thinking how did I end up making this mistake of accepting someone who is not what I want.

Recently I have been seeing angel numbers everywhere. Almost everyday I will see it. 111, 222, 333, etc. The message I get is God and the Universe has been working on my wish and the wait is about to end. I get excited when I see this. But the moment I look back with my past relationship, my energy goes down. I feel angry that people are able to move so fast. I feel angry that I’m stuck. Why can’t I just accept just anybody? Why don’t I feel attracted easily? While reading today, I realized the man I’m looking has to be a match to my future version of myself. I see myself as someone who is rich, successful, well known, attractive and my future partner has to be a match to that. But where is this guy? God only knows. How will I meet him? God only knows. The wait is a torture. I have been experimenting with relationship for the past 6 years (I know it’s kinda late) and went through hell overcoming heartbreak and even after 5 years, I realized I was still stuck with the same man. I had to go and clear my subconscious in order to move on. It was one thing that I wanted so badly that didn’t materialized. Probably God is just protecting me. Or it simply not meant to be.

I saw Neelofa’s wedding video that was circulated in social media and I fell in love with that video. I remember watching her previous interviews where she was asked about her relationship and she didn’t have any answer. She is so rich but have no man in her life. Now she found someone who matches her religious belief and I wish her all happiness. I don’t know if I will meet this person any time soon. The waiting is the hardest part. Some are in torture because they are married. But some of us are in torture because we just don’t know what future holds for us. While I’m writing this, I checked my phone and I saw the time now is 11.33pm. I checked the meaning and it says to give in your fears, doubts and worries to the angel and do not dwell in the past or dream about the future. It asks me to concentrate on the present moment. Ok angel, noted on your message.

If you have not read my previous post on angel numbers, you can read it here. (Diving into the unknown….the magic of recurring numbers / Is the universe really speaking to you? The magic of repeated numbers… / How Fulfilling is My Daily Life?)

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