As I was preparing home made mask, my thoughts wandered. What is the cause of unhappiness? I realized that whenever I wanted to own something but I couldn’t afford makes me unhappy. Once I own it, again I become unhappy. I am single, desperately wanting to be in relationship makes me unhappy. But when I am in relationship, I’m still unhappy because I now have new desire which I haven’t own. I desperately wanted a specific job, I am unhappy when I couldn’t get it. Once I get it, my happiness doesn’t last long. The process of attaining something doesn’t make me happy nor does achievement makes happiness long lasting. So what is the key to happiness?
We always wanting something. That branded clothes. Expensive handphone. A job promotion. A friend choosing us instead of another friend. Wanting attention from special ones. Upgrading car to better ones. Ability to travel everywhere without worry. Extra money. Wanting more followers. Become famous. Become better than everybody else. We have so many desires. When we are unable to achieve something, we immediately become unhappy. Even if we don’t have much desires, we think we are okay with whatever that we have, still we are unhappy. There is a feeling of void inside of us. Do you feel this?
How if we are able to detach ourselves from the very thing that makes us unhappy? How if we can achieve a mind state that we will be completely fine whether we have certain things or not in life? How if we can separate the pain we feel in our heart and observe it as a third person? How if we can control ourselves by merely observing our thoughts and changing it? Once we are able to detach, then pain will no longer be there.
Detachment over non living things
Once we lose something we value like an expensive watch or brand new car which worth thousands can send us into deep sadness. Because we feel we have invested so much of money into it and now that it is lost from our possession, can make us really unhappy. We could be cursing ourselves for being so careless. But if we were to accept the fact that nothing belongs to us, everything we own in life is just temporary, then we know that we shouldn’t be attached to the non living things. If lost, we can always buy a new one. Maybe not the same, but it is replaceable. Having this mindset helps to balance our emotion in case something goes out of our hand.
Detachment over living things
Nobody is going to live forever and ever. The maximum lifespan one can live is only 100 years. Lifespan differs according to a country based on their lifestyle, eating habits, environment conditions, etc. Our loved ones will leave us one day. One day we might have to survive all on our own. Maybe with our own little family. Sometimes we do go on our separate ways even when they are still alive. Maybe we are no longer in good terms. Our ability to detach will ease this pain of separation whether they are still alive or left to another world.
Detachment over our own weaknesses and strengths
Sometimes we are attached to our own weaknesses. We feel this is how we are. We will always be like this. If we are lazy, we think we always will be lazy. Any weaknesses we have can be improved if we work on them. Attachment over our weakness makes us feel down whereas detachment gives us hope that one day I will be able to be better than who I am now. Attachment over our strengths makes us become egoistic. Maybe we are better in dancing or singing. We are so attached to our strengths that sometimes we couldn’t accept any other person is better than us. This can also lead to jealousy. Detachment over our strengths and weaknesses gives us the ability to observe ourselves. Reminds us to be conscious of our own thoughts.
Detachment over time
Everybody born at different time and grow at different places. Some are born rich and some are born poor. Some are meant to be a server. Some are meant to be a ruler. Everybody has a different timeline for important occasion in their life. Some graduate early. Some graduate late. Some will join workforce early and climb up the corporate ladder early. Some will become famous. Some will remain hidden under the sea. Everybody meant to live a different life. Life will be boring if all were to live similar life. Life will be predictable and will not be exciting if we know what is going to happen. Sometimes we chase time so that we can achieve things faster. But again the question of happiness comes in. Are we happy chasing the things we want? We could be chasing living things or non living things. Maybe we want to achieve things earlier than others. If we don’t, then we feel unhappy. Detachment over time is needed so that we can allow time to reveal things at the correct time. Maybe what we really needed will be given to us once we pass the current life exam. We have to let the life to unfold on its own. Our work is to make sure that we are happy going through it. Not to stress ourselves too much on why certain things are not happening.
Detachment is inner work
It is not easy to become detached from something or someone or time. We have to go within ourselves to be able to detach ourselves from this pain and suffering. Everytime we go crazy over attachment, it is important to keep reminding ourselves. This thing is separate from me. I don’t own it. This person is separate from me. I don’t own it. This is something I desire and I let time to unfold it. I don’t own time. I can’t control circumstances. I am aware of myself and my capabilities. What I meant to receive, I will receive it. What I meant to lose, I will lose it. We have to learn to become detached. We have to become separate. We must know how to live separate without attachment. Because attachment will bring us down. But detachment will bring us happiness.