Day 1 – The Process of Healing

I woke up this morning. Eyes still closed. My mind was browsing past memories. How did all these happened? I felt pain in my heart. Time is ticking. I couldn’t wake up. Felt like no energy to go to work.

My second alarm goes off. I forced myself to get up and bathed. Got ready and by 7.30am, I’m ready to leave my house. I did not turn on any songs today nor listen to some motivational talks. Quietly I drove trying to empty my mind. At work, I tried to give full concentration even though I was feeling a little sleepy.

Things was fine. I was caught up with work. Calls coming in, talking to colleagues, moving around from office to office. I told myself I have to keep myself busy. I started to feel more pressure when I’m back home. I ate. I watched my parent’s favourite Tamil drama on TV. Trying to divert my mind. Then I started to look at my phone. I reread my last text messages. I kinda cursed him. For what he had done to me. I thought to myself “how can he do this to me? Knowing my character so well.” Sigh.

I thought to myself maybe I can convince him to change. Maybe he is good at his heart. Maybe situation changed him. Maybe he has hormone problems. Maybe there is a way to change all these. I took my phone, wanting to text him badly. Then I paused.

“You can only change if you yourself wish to change. Others cannot change you. It has to come from within.” I will be wasting my time. I am taking more risk if I go back to this person. Because he is sick in his mind. He is unable to control his senses. “Don’t take a risk, Puspha!” I thought to myself.

I felt that I have to keep my time occupied. With something beneficial. I do not want to go back to this person. I am actually scared after knowing the type of person I had been spending my time with. “Psycho”. I thought that this guy can actually be a psycho. A smart psycho. With brain. He is very calm most of the time. It’s like he plans it well.

Some of the story that he told me I felt that he actually twisted it. To show him as a good person and the other one as bad. I thought if I can just meet one person in his story and find out the truth, then I will know for sure. But then what is the point. There is no law that states one can be punished for cheating a person by faking love. There is no punishment for emotional damage. There is nothing much I can do. I have to forget him. I have to break the habit of needing to text him. I have to be strong. I have to be strong.

5 Comments Add yours

  1. srijan says:

    You’re very naive. Your love is pure, but you need to save it for someone who would be worth the efforts. Keep yourself busy! There is so much more to life. What you need is not love, but time. Have hope, you’re beautiful! It’ll be well.

    Like

    1. Puspha Jeyapergasam says:

      😊 I keep meeting the wrong one. Unable to identify the right one. I am trying to keep myself busy by writing more. Writing is a form of healing for me. 🙂

      Like

      1. srijan says:

        It is only when you’ll stop looking, you’ll find him! This pain will make you stronger. Learn from this. It’s a cruel world! Look after yourself and of that heart of yours.

        Like

  2. Puspha Jeyapergasam says:

    It is tough to stop looking when everyone around seems to have their figured out. But i will try. 😊 I will definitely take better care of myself and my heart after all that has happened.

    Like

  3. Puspha Jeyapergasam says:

    *life figured out

    Like

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