I have been asking this question to myself so many times. Is it better to marry or not to marry? There are pros and cons whether you marry or you don’t marry. But which is better? The pressure is real. Everybody around me is getting married and having babies. Whether they are younger than me or older, everybody seems to have their life sorted out. But is that the kind of life that I want for myself? I ask myself. Hmmm…tough to answer.
At one side, I have relatives asking me so when is your big day? You are getting older. In office, I can’t let anyone know that I’m single, otherwise my colleagues are ready to pair me up with almost anybody who don’t have a wife! It is so difficult to shut their mouth. Luckily my parents are not forcing me. Pheewww…
Some tell me that I have very high expectation. Wanting to have a partner who is loyal, who can spend time with me, who is able to give attention to me are considered as high expectation. Are you telling me that if I marry, I cannot expect these things? Then why do I marry? I’m not allowed to ask too many questions. But I think I’m asking a valid question. It seems I’m not supposed to ask too many questions. People tell me that I’m demanding and no man can live up to my expectation. That I’m not perfect. I shouldn’t be looking for perfect man. I should just follow what people say and agree to everything. Then, I will find a man. This is what I have been told.
But I don’t agree to it. My heart just don’t agree. I don’t like to do things half heartedly. I don’t like to do things just because everybody else is doing it. Am I supposed to just marry without any attraction towards a man? Am I supposed to marry a man who doesn’t know how to communicate with me? Who is not able to open up or just shallow?
Some tell me it is better for me to get arrange marriage. For an arrange marriage, the main thing they are looking at is how you look? Are you thin? Are you fair or dark? Are you pretty? Are you short or tall? Are you educated? What kind of job are you doing? There is no effort into trying to get to know the person. I find that it is too shallow. I get angry when I look at this process of arrange marriage. I have no idea how these people can go through this process of keep getting rejected due to one or more silly reasons until they find someone who is able to accept them. But seriously I don’t have this strength to go this process of rejection. It sucks.
If arrange marriage doesn’t work for me, then I should go for love marriage. But I’m very different from others. I grow up thinking there is only one man for one woman. I fall in love once, I marry once and stick to that one person till I die. This is how I thought marriage should be. I have fallen in love once. But this love is unrequited. The man that I have fallen in love with doesn’t want to get married. I have tried to change my mind to just forget this man and move on but unfortunately, I have failed to do so. I just don’t know how people can just change boyfriend or girlfriend like they change clothes. If only I’m able to do that, I wouldn’t even be writing this post.
If I choose not to be married for life, I will have full freedom on my life. I will be fully responsible on what happens with my life. Time, energy and money will be fully spent on improving my life. I don’t have to deal with cheating husband, going through labour pain to give birth, protecting the kids from all kind of existing threats, saving lots of expenses from bringing up kids, etc. The only setbacks from this is I might be feeling lonely. But being married doesn’t ensure that I won’t be feeling lonely. If married to the wrong person, I might ended up feeling lonely. If there is a lack of emotional, spiritual or physical bonding, one might still feel lonely even if surrounded by people.
But if I’m married, I may have someone with me till the end of my life. I might have kids and have a small family. If I’m married and don’t have kids, I will be pressured by society. If I’m married and my husband cheats, my marriage life is gone. I have to fork out a lot of money to make sure my kids go to the best schools and college. I have to constantly worry that my kids are safe wherever they are and not harmed by anyone. There is no guarantee that I will live happily with my husband until the end of my life. There is no guarantee that my kids will be taking care of me when I’m old.
People say that this is part and parcel of life. Everybody go through that. The constant quarreling and lack of respect among husband and wife and disrespectful kids are something that all of us have to tolerate in order to live together under one roof. If I’m lucky enough to find a good husband, all of the above may not happen. I might be actually living a fulfilled married life. What is the percentage like? 1/100?
Ok…ok…I understand. Let me be optimistic about marriage life. That I will find a good husband. That I will have good children who don’t give me headache. They are safe from all kind of danger. That I will have a good life. Then where is the person? Where is the guy that I’m supposed to be married to? Which part of the world is he in? Will I ever meet him? Will I ever recognize him? Only time will reveal.
But after a deep thought, I think it is better not to marry just for the sake of it. Marriage is a life commitment. It involves law to unite two souls and also to separate them. It is a huge process. You spend thousands to get married. I do not want to pressure myself into marriage just because everybody around me is married. I would rather remain unmarried than married to the wrong person.
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