I have just finished reading this book written by Marci Shimoff – Love for No Reason : 7 Steps to Creating a Life of Unconditional love. While reading this book, I realised that the author is one of the great practitioner of law of attraction. She has also shared her insight in the The Secret book. This book provides additional information as how to live a life full with love, a love that comes from our heart. Why live a life with hatred, anger or sadness? Our life is short. We want to live a happy, contented life and full of love. Our purpose in this life is to love and to be loved.
But most of the time, we don’t feel love. We feel lack of love. We keep begging others for little love. How if we can give that love to ourselves and stop looking outside from people, things or rewards. Usually we love for some good reason. Once the reason is no longer there, we feel out of love. Sometimes we have condition for people so that we can love them. I will love you if you do this! Or I will love you if you look like this. I would like to share with you some of the tips given by the author on how to love for no reason without any condition. A love without any expectation. I don’t care if you love me, but I will just love you. I don’t need you to love me because I myself come from a place of love.
Let Go of Grudge, Resentment, Guilt and Shame
Whatever people might have done to us in the past, it is time to say goodbye to those feeling of hurt and pain. Without letting go of grudge and resentment, we will not be able to experience love for no reason. Start by forgiving the person for what they have done. Then forgive yourself for giving pain to yourself. If you are feeling guilty, forgive yourself. Let go of the shame. Let go of all negative feelings you have.
In order to give and receive love, we must first trust that we are safe in our surroundings. I loved it when the author say that love isn’t something that happens between two people. It is something you’re either open to or you’re not. Sometimes we want to run away if people start showing us love, maybe we are not used to it. Maybe all our life we were deprived of it, that when we receive, we get scared and wants to avoid it.
Spend Time in Nature
There were a lot of studies done in the past that shows spending time in nature heals us. We spend most of our time surrounded by walls and electronic gadgets. We have lost touch with nature. We are suffering due to what the author calls “nature deficit disorder”. We can always recall our experience when we were at the beach, climbing the mountain, snorkelling, playing at the waterfall or just sitting idle looking at beautiful view of lake. We feel good, don’t we? Just by standing bare footed on grass helps to absorb “chi” or life force. It seems this is very important and it helps us to be healthy too. Just go and stand, lie or sit on grass, soil or water simply to absorb this life force. It reminds me how good I felt when I was at the waterfall with the chill water falling on me. Hmmm…that felt super good. When was the last time you spend your time with nature? Been awhile? Start planning today and go to nature.
Be Fully Engaged and Present Now
We are so busy juggling to do everything at the same time that our stress level today is at the peak. Multitasking has led us to stress today as our brain needs to keep switching the focus of our attention. Since our job is demanding us to be multitasking, how can we be fully engaged and present now? Put that phone down when you are eating. Enjoy the food that you are eating. Be aware what is happening now in your surrounding. Find ways to be present now.
Feel Supported by the Universe
We tend to blame God when bad things happen to us. We feel we have done our duty religiously by praying everyday to God but ended up in miserable situation. We keep asking God why is it happening to me? Know that there is a reason why it happened. Sometimes it happens to us so that we can be a guiding light to other people. The author shared a story where a woman with a beautiful family went into trauma when she was raped. Every time she would feel great fear until one day she realised that there is a purpose for it. She is meant to help other people who go through the same situation like her. So she can help them to heal themselves. Praying doesn’t mean bad things will not happen to us. The author says ” Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you”. Simply trust we will get what we want. Feel that support in your heart. Know that whatever comes in our way, we can handle it.
Take Care of Our Body
Being exhausted doesn’t help us to experience love for no reason. What you nourish yourself is important! The quality of food that you eat. What you eat can open your heart. Eat high prana food that is fresh fruits and vegetables. It is not just eating because I have to eat them but eat with love. You have to love what you eat. 😉 Start to do exercise that opens up your heart like zumba, yoga, playing tennis, cycling or anything that you love to do. Breathe properly. Yes, breathe! Inhale good oxygen today. Feel your chest expand when you inhale. Start to feed your senses. Start to find moments of beauty. If you happen to passby a good musician at the street, take time to listen and enjoy. Enjoy the flavour of the food that you eat. Be open to experience the world around you. Can you feel love?
Feel Your Feelings
Repressing your emotions lead to disease. At the same time, expressing your emotions in anger also lead to disease. Then, what do you do? Feel it. Aware that you have those feelings. Let it be, let it flow. Don’t react. By denying or avoiding your feelings, it gets bottled up. This shuts down your capacity to experience love. If you need to cry it out, then cry it out. You will feel better after releasing those emotions. Sadness. Anger. Loneliness. Happy. Feel it! By feeling it, you no longer holds it. One habit that keeps you from experiencing love is avoiding emotional pain and negative feelings. We feel overwhelmed and do our best not to feel them. Why do you need to feel the feelings? It is not to get rid of them but to fulfill its purpose, so that we pay attention to the things that need our attention.
Love the Unlovable in Yourself
Have people told you that you are not good enough? Love your weaknesses. Sometimes we compare, compete or criticise ourselves against others. Then we find fault or put down other people to compensate our inadequacies. “So and so are not so great!” Sometimes we come across stories where people been diagnosed with disease when they do everything right. They don’t smoke nor drink, eat healthily and do regular exercises but still ended up getting that dreaded disease. Why? I got my answer finally. I used to have this question. It is because we don’t love ourselves. Lacking of self love leads to disease. The vibration that we carry affects our body cells. Then we hear miracle stories where people heal themselves, even the doctors don’t have any explanation as to how they recovered. It happens because they start to love themselves. They be more kind to themselves and believe that they would heal. They do “inner surgery”.
Don’t be a Doormat or a Dominator
Don’t let people to step on you. Say no if you don’t want to do it. Tell people what is it that you truly need or want. Don’t be a people pleaser so that people accept you and love you. At the same time, don’t try to dominate others. Those who try to dominate others is actually scared or feeling needy inside. Respect people’s boundaries. Stop manipulating others. Stop being impatient. Allow people to have their space. Train others how to treat you. Create necessary boundaries. Sometimes the people that creating problems to us are our own family members or close friends. Stay away from these people.
Volunteering is a good way to give love. Simply be kind and have the desire to help people. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Be compassionate. Don’t expect anything in return for the help you have given. Don’t be attached to the results of the act of giving. Your giving must not stress, drain or weaken you.
Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years. He practices forgiveness to everyone who were cruel to him. Due to that, the guards were kept replaced because they become soft hearted with his love. Do you have anyone that you need to forgive? Great! The author shared Haiwaiian practice on how to forgive. Just sit quietly and repeat mentally “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” This will have immediate effect on you and the other person that you want to forgive. Forgiveness will unblock our heart and let you give again. Anger and resentment close our heart.
Let love in
I find this quite interesting. We are so independent, sometimes we love to help others but refuse to take any help from people. Does this sound like you? To allow people to help you is the ability to let love in. Love has to be balanced. When you give, you have to receive it back. Let people to help you. Let people to love you. Don’t just give love and refuse to accept it back. Sometimes we have fear that we need to oblige, that we need to give something back, fear of becoming dependent or appearing needy. Or simply feel unworthy. Fear and unworthiness block us from receiving love. When people want to help you, accept it.
Gratitude and Appreciation
You know that you love your children but have you ever tell them that you love them? To experience love, you have to tell them what you appreciate about them. People love appreciation. Do you know anyone who don’t light up when you appreciate them? Expressing appreciation opens our heart to love.
Be Conscious on How You Speak
Do you often say “I can’t, I hate, I’m a bad person, I hate traffic”? You are hurting yourself by speaking like that. Change that into “I am loving. I am patient. I am radiant. I can do it”.
Other Tips to Open Your Heart to Love
- Train your eyes to look for love
- Release judgement
- Listen to your intuition
- Trust your vibes
- Do meditation/prayers. Talk to God
- Start singing. Don’t have good voice, just sing in the bathroom then 😛
- Apply essential oils after bathing or before sleeping. Aromatherapy is good way to experience love
- Have pet
- Have quotes from inspiring people
- Listen to uplifting music
- Do mental hug to whichever people that you meet on the street
Love yourself no matter what. Stop the belief that “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not smart enough”, “I’m not worthy”. Most of us have this inner void that makes us fill ourselves up with food, drugs, alcohol, sense of achievement or relationship. Then wonder why am I overweight? Why am I addicted to drugs or alcohol? Why am I frustrated with my job? Or Why am I unhappy in my relationship? Sometimes we do love ourselves with a condition. Maybe we have some good qualities, good looks or lots of accomplishment. But what happens if we cannot maintain that? We start to beat ourselves, be harsh to ourselves. Do you have problems in your relationships? Maybe you need to start to love yourself. Study shows that people who didn’t love themselves overreacted to problems in relationships, put down their partners as a defense mechanism whereas those with self-love were less sensitive to rejection, appreciated their partners more and felt closer to them.
The author has shared some assessment and exercise that you can use to experience love for no reason. Hope all of us can take great benefit from the book and start to love for no reason.
“Stop being a love beggar and become a love philanthropist”! 🙂